As the saying goes: “No one knows you’re a dog on the internet.” We are afforded autonomy online if we want it, but most of us don’t hide who we are. Yes, we don’t tell everything about ourselves and sometimes leave out important facts. But we typically don’t go out of our way to lie about it. Then there are some individuals who lie all the time. About everything.
Is it a compulsion. Or are they playing at being someone else? And is that really so terrible? When we follow the advice to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes we sometimes see surprising results.
The following is a story from an individual who did just that. Wanting to better understand dating dynamics he signed up on a site as a more attractive man that he really is. The results from the original thread below speak for themselves:
I’ve been on OKCupid for a year or so and while I’ve been on some cool dates and met some cool girls, a lot of them were disasters. The chicks have boyfriend baggage, or are just looking for macho muscle dudes who make a lot of money, or whatnot. Also, it can be really hard to get a read on someone and figure out what they really like what they just pretend to be into.
So a few months ago, I set up a second profile for a guy who more or less approximates the guy I think most urban single women are hoping to meet. I gave him the job I think they’re into, the hobby I know they’re into, and a few incongruent facts to mix it up and make him seem more complicated.
For photos, I used three photos from some dude on Facebook I kind of know who’s very good looking. One has a photo of him being sporty with a cocky smirk on his face. Another has him making a funny face in the middle of a gaggle of attractive women at a bar somewhere and the third is him skydiving.
Basically, this guy is exactly what my single female friends are all looking for but won’t admit they’re looking for.
So using this profile, I’ll chat up women on OKC who I’m interested in…
and they just ******* TELL HIM EVERYTHING. What they like about sex, what they don’t. What kind of dates they’d love to go on. What worked in previous relationships. What didn’t.
This guy gets offered IM-sex on a regular basis. He gets phone numbers thrown at him. He gets asked what he’s up to all the time by attractive women.
As a guy who’s been on OKC for a year or so and never gotten a single IM response, this has been revelatory and oddly encouraging. Women really aren’t all that confusing or different from guys, they just don’t open up to guys online who they’re not attracted to. I can live with that. It makes sense.
I’m probably a 6 in the looks department whereas this guy’s an 8.5 or so, and that really makes a huge difference.
Anyway, with all this admittedly ill-gotten knowledge, I’ve been able to better screen my real account’s OK Cupid dates and save time and embarasment. I know if a girl’s the type who puts out or not. I know if she’s looking for a boyfriend, or just looking to kill time. I know what she likes to listen to. I know if she’s a small town girl or a big city girl. I know all kinds of stuff that can help us both have fun on a first date. I am armed with insider knowledge via this alter ego virtual wingman.
Is this wrong? Yes, very. Do I feel bad about it? Often. Am I also enjoying the monster I created? Yes.
Edit: Ok, am back from a holiday party, that I took a date to, who I didn’t meet on OKC and who I had to get to know the normal way. I do that too, these online dates are just so hit or miss though that I got tired of walking into them blind and not knowing a darn thing.
Other interesting reads:
TIL a data journalist created 10 fake OkCupid profiles (5 women, 5 men) with varying levels of attractiveness. Overall, the women received 20 times as many messages as the men, with the two most attractive women receiving 83% of all messages. from todayilearned